Tuesday, 28 June 2016
Friday, 24 June 2016
My sister asked me not to rant but if I don't then I practically have no voice, no text to type. I've accepted that I am picky and always have an opinion that needs to be heard. You call it rant, I call it freedom of speech.
I digress, this post is not about me. Oh wait, it is. No. It is by me for you. Read on. I promise a laugh. OK, a smirk.
I have been sick since last week. While the world is worrying about Britain leaving the European Union, I have been worrying about my clogged nose and croaky voice. I promise you I am not a whiner. I am strong willed and have been living by myself for a long time now to deal with this shit. And yet on the first day of running a fever, I cried because my Mom wasn't around to fuss over me. Strong willed, mind you. And 31.
To cut the long story short - I cried, sighed, wiped my tears, went to the doc, bought the meds, some much needed Starbucks and then watched the clock tick till I started feeling better. That's when my body started playing mind games with me - I'd be OK in the morn and sick as hell in the evening. My parents almost called the Foreign Ministry to extradite me back to India.
While the mind games were on, I realized how frustrating it is that your friends are not sick with you. I tried to spread the infection. I swear I did. They avoided me like the plague while whatsapp group chats buzzed away with plans for every freakin night of the week. Even Monday. If you know anything about living the expat life, you know you go out every night of the week. Also a reason for my "downfall". I went out every night of the week, worked 10 hrs a day and worked out 2 hrs a day (Singapore is a late night city, we get out after 9/10 PM for those who are super smart at adding all those hours up. Smart-arse!)
So here I am on a Friday night at home, watching re-runs, watching my FOMO soar to newer heights with each passing
So how is this FOMO aggravated? It is in my head and my head alone. 2 of my friends are away for the weekend. The rest are watching a movie in the cinema, that I watched last week. But I still sulk. Only because I am unwell, only because I am home on a Friday night, my first Friday night-in in over 9 months.
Tuesday, 10 November 2015
Girls - while we are blessed to have a multidimensional point of view, we are also cursed with the flip side of thinking of a situation in multidimensional perspectives of people who aren't even thinking of the said situation. I guess it comes with the territory.
Have you ever wondered why us women can speak about something for hours with other women? That is also known as gossip or like us sisters like to put it - over analysis/over-thinking.
We have actually made a sport of it. I will text my ever-so-smart sister asking her if she had 5 mins (read an hour) to over analyse something with me. Here 'over-analyse' is actually the opposite of what this sport entails. We actually try to under-analyse a situation/ event that we may have analysed unnecessarily. Therefore, we take this sport pretty damn seriously. And I suggest you do the same. Give your pretty lil heads a break. Give yourselves a break.
You are responsible for your actions, your words, your emotions put into words. How the others process it is not your problem. If you remember this always, you will remain true to who you are and not over think stuff.
I am learning it the hard way. Learning nonetheless. I realize it's a fear or worry deep inside to be accepted that leads to this terrible situation. As you grow older you overcome it. I swear I am seeing an improvement in me. But I am far from being apologetic about it. I think over-thinking is a byproduct of being a nice person, when you are actually putting an effort in understanding how the others process it. But to a limit, to a limit when it means you put a thought into it. Not a billion thoughts into, equipped to cripple you to a point that you're unsure what you can or can not say. It's honestly not your problem.
I wish it was simpler. I wish we weren't so 'gifted'. I am not into the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus stuff so much but I think the men have it simple. Simple needs, simple thoughts. We are complicated only because we choose to complicate ourselves.
I persevere to simplify myself. And I suggest you do the same. We don't need to be validated.
Monday, 16 March 2015
...Who doesn't feel lucky enough to have you.
Have I really hit rock bottom of my self esteem?! WHAT THE FUCK! I have worked very hard to get where I am and be who I am today. I worked on me and chiseled the person I am today. So how am I not convinced that any guy would be damn lucky to even be in my presence?!
I don't get me some times. I don't get how I can always be in so much conflict with myself. Fine I chipped my heart. Oh please! I know it was NOT a heart break since i didn't even know his middle name. But, what I am getting at is how can a girl like me can be so scattered about a failed attempt at a relationship!
You know what? I don't know how men and women play these mad games. When I get into anything, even the sack with a guy, I give it my 100% as if that is the only thing worth fighting for in my life at that very moment. Passion full throttle. Coz that's how you're supposed to live life. Life is today, in the moment and if in that moment you're not even 100% present then I don't know what will you ever give your 100% to?!
So, I don't want to hear that "We don't know what you're so broken up about it's not like it lasted that long or was that deep!" I know it didnt last long but i was in it 100%. And today, i am happy i was in a 100% coz when i look back i had a great time and i do think of it fondly. So i am in a happy place. Hey! At least I tried. And I know I am lot closer to falling in love than those who don't want to take a chance.
Take a chance.
The point is no girl should be treated in a way that she doesnt deserve to be treated. She mustn't allow it at all. Also i think the problem in the dating world is that some women bend backwards for men who dont appreciate them and they in turn kick off a cycle where men start expecting women to take things the way they are and resign to it as if it is their fate.
I am not saying Men are the enemy. Not at all sister! In fact they have more insecurities than we do. Heck, us women can start a blog, write a diary, drink a bottle of gin, cry in front of our friends, over analyze with our siblings and what can they do? Shell up, Clam up or Pull back.
I think it's all about the fit. You know if the shoe fits he'll be your prince charming and you'll be his Cinderella (pardon my analogy, i'm still hungover from the god awful movie night with my gal pals)
So in this case, my case, i think the shoe wasn't fitting even after hours of talking on the phone, texting, cute dates and mind blowing sex. In my case the pull back was peculiar. but before i talk about the pull back, I must assure you that I am not one of those crazy nightmarish obsessive, whydidnthecall, ismyphoneworking, ismydataswitchedoff kind of girls. I am what they call an Independent woman, who has earned her independence and not willing to part with it.
So the pull back in very simple terms - 1.He made fluid plans (twice) 2, I said yes ("make a plan and i'll make the time") 3. Rescheduled and never confirmed the first time. I didnt bother. Made fluid plans the second time and when I texted to confirm he never returned my text.
Honestly boys we are grown women. I'd much rather hear a sad "i got bit by a whale on my attempt to swim across the Atlantic ocean so I couldn't confirm my plans" than to have our text messages ignored. So I picked up my self respect and put it back exactly where it is supposed to be at. Way up high!
Plus I know a real man will do anything to be with the woman he wants if he was really that into her.
Tuesday, 10 March 2015
You don't refrain from riding a bicycle because of the fear of falling off. I want to ride along and see if I hit a bump or not. Preferrably not.
I feel happy texting him, calling him, seeing him and he hasn't ever given me a reason not to. Therefore, I shall continue as though I am in love with him until I actually am.
Monday, 9 March 2015
The moment i texted the guy and expected him to take care of my happiness, i realised that that's when he made me unhappy. And why did i blame him really? He didnt even know i handed the remote control of my emotions over to him. So obviously i went to bed crying and unwanted and unloved (yeah right expecting love after a month of dating!)
Anyway, I took back control of my happiness and my feelings.
You know these relationships work in a funny manner. You can't make someone want you. You can't make someone not be themselves and be a text away or a call away. Each person is an individual. They have a life beyond you. You have a life beyond them. Space. I say I need space. It's about time i start meaning it. And if i expect it, I better return it too.
PS - I did get a text back in the morning explaining what happened. Honestly I didnt care since I am back in control of how I feel
Saturday, 7 March 2015
I plunged head on into the dating scene. Not as a rebound. I took my time to find myself back again. Approximately a year or a little less. I was happy with myself. Meaning that you need to get over your ex AND your break up, find a new direction (yourself) get your act together or get a make over and start again. From scratch. It's sounds like a huge task but i assure you it's all worth it.
Anyway, coming back to why I am watching my phone. I got back in the dating scene and went on a many a first dates - some awful, some awesome. The awesome ones lead to second dates, then there were some good second dates and then there were some 'oh god why did i agree to this' second dates. Of the good second dates, i did the forbidden. I got my heart involved. My stupid, stupid heart. So here I am liking this guy and waiting for him to ask me out. Sad as that sounds, that is why i am watching my fuckin phone. Wait I think it rang. No false alarm.
I am going to find my answers about this mad game we play - dating; and we wonder why we haven't yet found the one. WTF!
I guess if i think of the reasons why i started this blog then probably i'll know if i am worried or not. I am worried about being lonely. I am worried that when i come home I will have no one to talk to. I am worried that the world is so technologically connected that it has left us all very isolated. Do you agree?
I started this blog to talk to someone and put my feelings in to words. And i feel even if we are in happy relationships, surrounded by family and friends, some times we are still not heard. Our thoughts are lost in the mundane realities of our lives.
So here I am trying to find my voice, trying to piece myself together, trying to move on.
What this blog will offer is a series of everyday struggles that a 30 something single girl who is trying to find her place in the world faces and that you will no longer feel like you're the only one facing life's challenges. I will be right there with you. And so will you.
Friday, 5 September 2014
An Ex-boyfriend or Ex-girlfriend can never be friends.
No, there is no exception to this rule without one party or the other developing "feelings" for the other or hoping things could go back to the way they once were or without it impacting your present and future relationship and friendships in negative ways.
There will never be a situation where both of you ride off into the sunset on a horse named Friendship after you have parted ways no matter how "good" you think the breakup was or how much you both felt the breakup ended "on good terms". The relationship didn't work. The friendship won't do you any good either. It will impact your future. Always. In not-so-good ways.
There will be no good outcome of providing bullsh*t like: "umm..I don't know...been through so much..used to him/her...don't want to seem rude..." No one will buy that. Especially not your present-someone-special. If they are special then they damn well need to be treated in a special way.
Also if you feel that your present/
If you cannot put yourself in a situation that involves the drama then you possibly cannot even begin to hope for your present-someone-special to do the same.
Yes, your friends may sympathize but if you are someone who is in this situation then I don't have to tell you that after a while even they will fail to see why you are friends with your Ex when it is clearly getting in the way of the relationship and friendships you now have.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please love yourself enough to stop the torture that comes with the drama; torture to yourself and to your friends.
Leave an Ex where they belong: as an EXample of what you will NOT date in the future and certainly would NOT like to be around.
Get well soon.